Ethan

I got a new blog. It's easier for me because I post from my iPod which means it will be more updated anyway. Just for the record. Anyway, it's ethanluke.tumblr.com/
Cheers,
Ethan
x

I came up to my dad's tonight because he's away at Manchester. I like it when I get the cottage so myself because it sits right up on a cliff right above the beach. It's good to come and reflect on stuff, like for example my life. As much as I put thought to it, I can't seem to make sense of it.
All I know is that the future ahead is definitely uncertain, but I feel like I can almost grasp some elements of the present which will aid me to get to where I want to be, not just in years to come but tomorrow, next week or next month. These elements I am certain of, what I am not certain of is how I am going to achieve these things.
I guess what I've worked out is that I just want answers.

I've worked a lot more than usual this week (every day), worst thing is this: I have to do a stocktake on Friday again. That is torturous. How will I cope? I'm going in to college AGAIN tomorrow, I'm getting so sick of it. I can't wait until it's completely over, it is such a pile of crap. I started downloading season 4 of Party of Five because it isn't available to buy and I'm desperately addicted to it.
I've been giving a bit more thought about what I want to do with my life recently, I was inspired to do so as I was mopping the floors of FarmFoods. I was like, "oh my god, imagine if I failed at life and ended up doing this forever and ever?". That was definitely enough to motivate me and September can't come quickly enough. I'm interested in Marketing, Journalism and Counseling Psychology, you never know, something else could come up. I'm just keeping all of my options open for now and then I can decide in two years what I want to do at university. So yeah, I wish I could say that all I'll be doing this summer is just kicking back but for some reason I don't think that is going to be the case...it'll probably be work work work!
I'm doing a lifeguard course soon with some of the money from my bond. It was supposed to be for my car but I'm investing it in this because the money won't be bad and it's easier, unless of course somebody drowns. I dunno, used to do a life saving as a kid and it will also come in useful if I decide to do camp cus I could be a lifeguard, one of the more easier jobs.
For now, I am going to keep kicking till I finish and until things settle down. I am dying for a cigarette and feel so tempted and I have absolutely no faith in myself. I have no self control either which doesn't help. I'm going to the no smoking clinic tomorrow so that may inspire me to continue.

OK so it's pretty late and I'm bored so I thought I'd plug in my memory stick and look at all my backed up photos. I thought that I may as well post them on here. Here goes...


Becca in York




Me in York




Argh!




Cocktails!




Wine, anyone?


I like to do a bit of coooking!


Becca and I (christmas 2006)




Elly, one of the first times she came to my house


Becca and I used to go and get a meal deal at the pub lol


Elly and Becca New Years Eve 2006


Elly, Shane and me at the boulevard


Elly and me, Liberty's 2006


The oldest, most disgusting photo of Elly and me (probably 2004)


I'm tired now anyway and I gotta be up at 9 so I'm gonna go to sleep. I'll put more on when I can be bothered!

9 days, I'm going for it big time eh? College was fine today, I did quite a lot of work too! Guess what? The fake ID turned up, now that I think I'll be using it any time soon unless I decide I want a random fireworks display, fat chance of that happening. So I was sat at my computer in college and Philippa one of my teachers came over and was like, "Ethan, do you go by a different name?". I was like, "No, wtf!". So she went, "It's just that I found this card with 'Ethan Liddle' on it." I was so embarrassed (the picture is horrific), but she went to her office and got me it anyway so that was cool. Yeah, so I've been doing loads of work and I hope to finish the whole part of the course this week or by early next week. I'll be able to work more then - yay.
Big Brother is on right now. I want the blind guy to go, not because he is blind (obviously), he just gets on my nerves. He could have perfect vision but its his voice and personality that get to me! Grrr. I'm not to keen on the dark girl that's in there either. I'm going to go down to Sarah's to watch it with her and Laura in a minute when I've finished typing shite.
I haven't stopped eating today......I HAVE got to go on a diet! I need to be a lot slimmer for when I go to Spain next month. So yeah, swimming every day again I think for me.
I was just thinking, about a week ago I got on the bus and it looked really busy from where I was stood so I just remained standing until I could get a better view of the bus and hopefully sit down. Anyway, I heard this aggressive voice and it was coming from an old women sitting a couple of seats from me and Laura. She started shouting, "SIT DOWN NOW! I'M SICK OF YOUNG KIDS, YOU JUST GET IN THE WAY ALL THE TIME YOU ARE A NUISANCE.". There's just really no excuse for it, old or not I don't believe it gives you the write to speak to anyone like that, I sure put her back in her place. No one speaks to me like that, it was just so unreasonable. I'm sick of the youth getting so much bad press when it is generally older people that intimidate us in the first place. Yeah, maybe she was worried she was going to find it hard to get off but she should have just said, "Excuse me, there's two seats there". Oh no, shouting is the best way to do it. Well it's not. Argh! Big Brother time.

So the temperature has risen quite a lot here recently, its hard to get to sleep on a night because of it. I went to a theme park with my college today; I thought that I would've been tired from last night but I wasn't. I had high blood sugar so I was wide awake as it was getting light out, I was like "as if I need this".
I've turned things around again, 8 days off the cigarettes and that's how I'm going to stay again. I can't afford to do it and I don't particularly enjoy wasting all my money. I just got a job at a supermarket about ten minutes from my house so that's really convenient.
I haven't posted for what seems like ages because I've just been so distracted, I've kinda been finding it hard to stay afloat recently with all the assignments. I started three months late at my college so I was three months behind. I've finished one course which will give me a qualification in food service, complete mistake to take the course but I will hopefully get an A-level out of it which will give me extra UCAS point. In other words, I have more chance of eventually getting on to a course I want at university in a couple of years. I applied for the new sixth form that is opening near me too so it's also convenient and I'll be able to get my A-Levels out of the way.
Once I've done that I can probably get the hell out of here. I'm planning to do Camp America next summer and I'm hopefully gonna travel about the states a bit. I want to go to Vegas and I'm gonna meet a couple of penpals along the way too. It's just gonna be my chance to spread my wings, without sounding gay, if you get me. That's something to look forward to.
I've also got my theory test for driving on Friday, I really hope I pass so it's out of the way, not to mention the fact that it cost my mum forty quid! Jeez, its daylight robbery.
To conclude: things could be better, and they will be soon enough, I just have to muster up the strength for these next couple of weeks and push as hard as I can to keep things on track.

I was getting more and more addicted to those cancer sticks and I thought I'd call it day, apparently its gonna be an all night thing as well. I laid there in bed tossing and turning and thought, "wtf!". It just annoyed me so much and I could here my fish splashing around in the water and I just felt so angry and I hate it when I feel like that. I hope it goes away soon because I'm not going to give in, there's no way. As bad as I feel, I'm more than determined. Day one has completely sucked.
I went to the pictures earlier with Laura to see 'One Missed Call' which by the way was absolutely hilarious. It's sort of like supposed to be a horror but I just found it funny, there were a few jumpy parts. I fixed the neighbour's internet from down the road so they give me a tenner, I was like "no it's OK!" They still didn't take no for an answer so that paid for my cinema trip. I did that to try and distract myself, I also ended up cooking spaghetti bolognaise, hmmm!
Over all the day itself hasn't been too bad, it's just how I feel right now: shit. I can barely keep my eyes open, yet when I lay there I can't seem to fall asleep. I feel very tetchy, grr! I'm to go and give it my best shot and if it doesn't work out, I'm just going to have to take on the night with my iPod I think. I'm going ice skating tomorrow morning so I'll probably end up being shattered for it. Did I mention my easter break started? Yeah they gave us it late this year but I'm not complaining. Anyway, I'm going to go and try my best!

I've been trying to post since yesterday but I've constantly been around other people which makes it so much more difficult to blog. I can't concentrate properly when I have to keep minimizing windows just as I think the person sat next to me is watching what I type. I don't like that at all, I feel all invaded. Anyway, I had quite a good bank holiday weekend, wasn't great...I mean I've had a lot better but it was average/OK. I had a drink Sunday night because it was bank holiday the next day here which means everybody's allowed to treat it like an extra day of the weekend...people like me. It was fun, the later half of it. The first part sucked because I was with Becca and her friends and we had to go and meet up with people in the freezing cold snow. There was a lot of walking around before we finally ended up at Josh's. She stayed at mine that night, something she hasn't done in a long while. I haven't heard from her since she went home. Oh well, never mind - who cares?
Today was...boring, very boring. I was in college 9-4 but my blood sugar went funny so I left early at half three. I walked to Normanby with Sarah and got some cigarettes and we just sat talking down hers. She had a bit of an argument with her mum about money which I find ridiculous, why argue over money? Pft, never mind. My mum was there too, I was actually trying to mediate most of the time because Sarah and her mum just cannot have a simple conversation without shouting at each other.
Other than that I've had a pretty tiring day because I was up for the best half of last night with high blood sugar. I definitely to need to find a hobby, I just feel like I'm complaining all the time, I'm trying to push away any stress in my life currently, hence me smoking. That's got to stop, I'm well aware of it. I'm going to let things take their course and hopefully with a bit of effort on my part I can sway things the right way.

Why is it that the pissing internet decides that it has to go slow? It's so annoying! Also, today's weather forcast is wet, cold and windy, just typical of England. Meh, I'm a bit hungover so I'm not in the best of moods. I sat and had a drink with Laura and Sarah last night, all was well.
My driving went OK this morning I guess, I don't think I stalled, maybe once but I can't really remember. I have no idea what I'm going to do today, I'm bored. I know it seems really random but I really want to go to Rome, I don't see why not? I mean it looks good and I've always liked the idea of going there. Ah well, maybe after I've been to Newquay I'll go there.
I think I went a bit over board with the fags last night, my throat is tight, I don't think I'll have any today. I jus can't get over how bad I feel, I deserve it though!
I got a joke sent to me the other night, it was one of those stupid ones that I find hilarious. What do you call a fat prostitute in space? Meaty-whore. Haha, I really did find that funny, its a bit dumb to be honest though.
Things went good at the hospital yesterday. My Hba1c is 8.1 and it should be 7.5 or lower but its gone down since my last test so that's good news.
Ps. I can't find my fecking shoes anywhere. I've lost them! I must have left them somewhere last night, this is ridiculous!

...Well, I was ill for the best part of this morning so I didn't go in to college. I'm in there tomorrow for two hours, 11.30-1.30 and then that's it for the rest of this week. On Thursday I'm not going in because I have a hospital appointment at 11am and they always take forever in that hospital, its ridiculous! Never mind, I get out of college for another day, it's not exactly going to be detrimental to my course or anything. It's just kitchen production. It's bank holiday weekend and good Friday so I won't be too bored. I think I'm going to go down Sarah's or something and maybe have a little drink.
I've finished watching the first season of 'Party Of Five', I love that show. I need to get someone to buy me the second season now. Having not watched any DVDs today, I realised how boring things can get. Can anyone recommend a good book?
Yesterday was such a cool day, everything was free. I went to Nando's which is this African style themed restaurant with college as part of my course. They showed us around the kitchens and stuff, and then we got to put our own orders through the tills. The best part was the free meal and drinks. The manager I was speaking to told me to drop a CV at some point next week because they're looking for part timers, I really have to get my ass out looking for a job so I'm gonna do that. My mum's refusing to buy me a car unless I have an income to fuel it; fair enough. So after Nando's I went in town and got a free cream egg. I was quite pleased with myself since I never had to spend a penny on food or anything.
I really can't wait for the Summer, it seems like its taking ages to come but I'm sure it'll be here before I know it. I seriously need to lose some weight for when I go to Benidorm!

OK, I was on the vodka last night and I had a good time down Sarah's. Laura went to London with her family so we just partied all night, hilarious. Funnily enough, I wasn't too bad this morning; in fact I felt fine. I drank a lot of water in between. As for cigarettes, well I had a few but today was the beginning of a new era for me: no cigarettes anymore. Not even social, I decided I really was pushing my luck if I was to continue to smoke, I didn't want to end up addicted again, not after how long it has taken me to quit in the past. So even though I've felt ever so slightly irritable, I'm not gonna smoke anymore in case I fall into the trap.
Right now I'm bored. It's dark, cold and rainy outside...obviously is to be expected since I live on island that may as well be in the arctic circle. Anyway, to cure my boredom i've decided to go down to Sarah's to watch a few films, I don't exactly what yet but I guess we'll see when I get down there. I could use some fresh air anyway!

College was cool today. I became head chef as part of an assessment I had to do. Things went OK, but I apparently didn't shout loud enough - too polite, typical of me =P. I'm rather tired now. In fact, I'm just going to be honest with you guys because you can give me a real outsider's point of view, or feedback or whatever.
I went to see Rambo today which was really gory but I liked it. Anyway, when I came home I borrowed-without-permission a cigarette off my mum and went and smoked it down the road at Sarah's. It's not like I had the full thing to myself, we shared it. I've started asking myself, why am I doing this? As I took a drag earlier I thought to myself, "what are you doing Ethan"? I quit smoking a long time ago and basically I've come to the conclusion that I don't want to get hooked again because I feel like I'm on a slippery slope at the minute. My consistent excuse is just, "I'm just having the odd one". Yet, I'm having 'the odd one' all too often so now it's time for me to change the way this is heading. I'm going to not have any at all, problem solved! Not really worth ranting over but now I know exactly where I stand.
I have a driving lesson tomorrow at 10.15, should be fun. My mum's been giving me a bit of extra help outside of lessons because simple things are taking up too much lesson time and I'd rather spend the time doing something else.
Other than that things are just peachy for me, apart from the fact I'm about to curse very loudly at my computer screen very shortly; damn iTunes!

Actually it's been ages, a lot of stuff has happened. I mean, we're in 2008 now, I changed colleges, I've turned my whole life around and I've even taken up Spanish. Yeah, so I'm just gonna start with the more serious stuff first. I just want to make an update on where I am in life in case I need to remind myself, so while I know, I'll do it now. Eventually, Prior got to me and me feel awful so I decided I had to leave, it wasn't that it was hard because I don't give up academically like that. It was that I was really unhappy in the place, I had to change. I didn't see a point in me being there and I had no sense of direction in my life. Anyway, I went to see a Connexions adviser and they talked with me for a bit. I told them how I have a passion for cooking and they suggested a culinary course at a different college; without hesitation, I took up the offer. That's where I am now. It's fantastic, I get to cook food for people in a real restaurant too. The other half of the course sees me waiting on tables, that's not so enjoyable but hey - i'll stick with it for this year. My plans are to complete the year and get a couple of qualifications. I screwed a year up and i'm trying to make the most of it. I've decided I'm changing colleges yet again to do academic course, the classic A-levels. At least this way, I'll have more flexibility with higher education afterwards. If I continued and finished the course I am doing now, sure I'll be qualified but I'll be limited in my options. I'm interesting in phsychology, counseling, something like that so I'm going to get some a-levels and that will put me in a better position for when I come to decide what to do next. This course I'm doing is really just an escape, a space to think and help me figure out what I want to do whilst also enjoying what I love to do. Yes, there's coursework involved but that's pretty easy, I just need to get down to it. Other than that I'm feeling satisfied in that area of my life. Speaking of my life, I've had a big turn around. I feel almost like a different person attitude-wise. I wouldn't say i'm self-righteous but I'm definitely a lot more self-righteous than I was previously. After the drunken episodes, smoking and drugs (what!)... Exactly, I can't believe I was that person. It freaks me out to know just how much danger I was placing myself in, I was playing russian roulette with my life. I don't mean to sound like a loser, it's just how I'm so shocked at how I used to be. I've never been that type of person, it was just a very rough patch in my life that seemed to last a long time. All I can say is at least i'm out of the woods now. I feel so much better in myself. I mean yeah, I miss some of my so called 'friends' alot, but I've realised we don't share the same interest anymore. They drink to get drunk, I drink with a meal to enjoy it, the exact opposite. I can admit that I may have used alcohol to escape things in my life at one point, but now I've come clean and if something bothers me, I confront it head on and just deal with it. I wish my friend Becca would see this. Alcohol is no longer a novelty to her and her circle of friends, ecstasy is. Once I got that deep I decided to pull out. I'm glad I did because now I'm seeing them from an outsider's point of view and its scary. Anyway forgetting that. I'm going to Spain in July for two weeks! I'm excited already because i'm bloody sick of the weather that we get here in England. I also started learning the Spanish language and for no particular reason. I just fancied it, I suppose i've always wanted to learn a foreign language. There you have it. That's me so far, since the last time I blogged. Anyway I'm tired, goodnight! ps. Just for the record, in this new era of change, I'm straight. Back then I was in a phase, very messed up but I've landed somewhere now and its definitely not gay.

   Today I realised how much I love pineapples; I've always liked the fruit, however today I consumed plenty of it. I had pineapple chunks for my lunch and then I had half a litre of pineapple juice. It's packed with sugar so I was on a bit of a buzz the rest of the day and I had to take slightly more insulin than usual to compensate for the increase but that's all good because it didn't make any difference to my sugar levels.
  I got picked up today at half two as usual because that's what time I finish on a Tuesday, Thursday and Friday and then I ate a Sunday Lunch. After that I went swimming with my mum and Sammy and did the forty lengths I always do. I also had a sort out with my college folders and I arranged everything in to the right order under the right label for all my AS law stuff.
  I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here started last night and I'm glad about that because I watch it every year.  Speaking of television Hollyoaks starts soon so I'm happy about that also. I fancy a nice cup of tea.

  I had a real nice day today. Woke up a little late but never mind, I was ready and dressed around midday. I watched some TV and then rang Laura when my Sunday lunch was ready. I'd been watching a bit of Emmerdale but I turned it off when Laura came over because she doesn't like it, this then led us onto our weekly debate about how she thinks Eastenders is better than Coronation Street. So we just sat around for a bit and then I got bored so I asked her what she wanted to do.
  I was sat on the computer so I thought i'd look at what the times were for the pictures because I'd been wanting to see the '30 Days Of Night'. How glad I am now that I saw it. It was immense, I loved it and I really need to get it on DVD. Josh Harnett is good in the movie too, it was sort of scary but really entertaining at the same time. I had to go for  a wee half way through and I really didn't want to go. That's how good it was.  I'll either go and see it again, or definitely buy it when it comes out.
  Speaking of things coming out, the Spice Girls greatest hits CD was advertised on television today, I'm going to either buy it for myself or for someone else at christmas! I watched the Wembley show on MTV last night with Laura and we were up dancing. I ended up searching for my two CDs which I found.
  Today was great, in general I feel great. I no longer crave cigarettes at all and I don't bother using patches anymore. It feels like nothing can burst my bubble!

  Glandular fever has officially healed! I've never been so happy. I did my second half of the maths resit on Friday and I felt it went brilliantly, I just had no idea what the hell the first paper was all about. Being ill wouldn't have helped at all so I'm going to notify the exam board and try and get some extra marks....why not? I may as well, all I want is a sodding C.
  I've just had a lazy day today with Laura but she's gone to see her grandad in hospital now because he's really ill, doesn't look good. As for Becca, hmm well she's out on the street popping pills, as you do. I won't even start on that. I've been spending a lot more time with Laura now, she is one of my all time best friends who has just always been there in the background so it's cool we spend more time together now. She's coming to center parcs with me in November and then Benidorm next year, should be fun!  She'll no doubt come over when she comes back from the hospital.
  As for drinking, I haven't this weekend. I've realised I'm going to wait a while or for an opportunity where it will really make the situation a whole lot better. It's boring just drinking with the same old people these days, especially when they aren't really your friends anymore. Becca called me today and asked if I wanted to come out with her and the rest of her friends, yeah course I will...
  I've been talking to this guy called Lucas online who seems pretty cool, i'm just trying to make more friends to compensate for the ones I am currently losing. I love the new Kt Tunstall song though, 'saving my face', it has been on constant repeat since i downloaded it.

 Yeah...the afternoon tea show - it would be more suitable if I could actually drink tea, at the moment i'm struggling to get water down my neck but I know its important so i'm persevering. As you can probably guess, the infection hasn't lifted. I realised something today, well last night when I tested my blood sugar actually and the result was 25 (bearing in mind it is supposed to be between four and ten) ! When your blood sugar is above fourteen, your body is unable to produce white blood cells at the normal rate so it takes a lot longer to fight infection. However, infection affects your blood sugar and makes it stay high so I'm in a bit of a vicious circle. It has just been constant top ups on insulin the past few days to try and keep my blood sugar down, even though i haven't been able to eat anything anyway. The disadvantages of not being able to eat really hit me today becase I feel sick. I've tried soup and it isn't too bad but it takes me about half an hour to drink it. Nevertheless, it's better than nothing?
  I went in to college this morning purely and simply to do my maths resit exam (I had no intention of staying whatsoever) and it was a complete disaster. I'm just not one for maths, I get taught things, understand them and when I get to the test I have no idea! It really annoyed me but I tried my best, what more can I do? I've got the second half of the paper on Friday so my maths tutor is coming round on Thursday night to try and get certain things to stick in my head in preparation for it.
  My throat is currently causing me severe pain and I keep choking on my own saliva. Apparently the infection targets the saliva glands so that's why I seem to have too much; every time I try and swallow I have to scrunch up my face because of the pain. Argh! Never mind, I'll just have yet another duvet day and hope that I don't fall too far behind in college. I went in on Monday with the hope of persevering but realised that it was impossible. I'm one of those people who will try and try but this time i just couldn't hack it. I'm going to go sleep for a while and just pray that my antibiotics kick in for tomorrow!

  I usually get trouble with my throat, but I had hoped all of this would've been left behind when I stopped smoking. This time it's back and it's worse. In fact, it is so bad that I'm finding it extremely hard to fit solids down my throat due to the sheer agony I have to go through to do so. Liquid foods have been my friend the past couple of days. Nevertheless I went and saw Dr. Nath yesterday and she prescribed me antibiotics for it. It seems to be getting better one minute and then worse the next; I think the key is to limit alcohol intake.
  I went to York today with my brother and Laura. It was cool, although I got in to an argument this morning with my mum and Andy because I got up late which annoyed everyone. It really is something I've got to sort out, it's fine that I'm staying up late tonight because I have made no arrangements for in the morning, therefore I can just lie in. However, on other days I need to be going to bed much earlier, especially on college nights to avoid arguments and confrontation on a morning - a time of day when I am not easily amused.
  I collected my prescription for patches too yesterday and I have been moved down on to the 14mg nicotine; although I haven't noticed much change dramatically, I do feel so much more down. It's hard to describe, other than by use of the phrase, 'down in the dumps'. Sod it, I'll cheer up when I've eventually stopped using nicotine altogether, that day I anticipate the most. I spoke to my dad on the phone about my virus and he reckons to just keep drinking fluid because I don't want the back of my throat to dry up causing me more pain. It's dry enough as it is!
  Today in York, I was going to meet Krissy after he had finished work but unfortunately he had to work late so I just got the train home with Aidan and Laura. The plan was that I was going to stay a little but longer in order to meet him, but never mind I'll just do it another day. Becca rang me when I was on the train home and I said that she should come round my house tonight, she didn't. Sod that too.
  Current areas of concern at the moment are money and the coursework essay for film. I definitely to review my notes from English Language in order to get the gist of things (I really don't understand much).

...and it seems I want to kill my computer by throwing it down the stairs and then setting it alight. Cigarettes are the issue here, but it doesn't mean I'll smoke. It just means I'll be a little more pissed off today. My dad is picking me up very soon so I can go play badminton with him, Sheila and Gill. I've eaten shite today and feel so guilty for it. I'm going to have to change. As for coke, I'm severely cutting down after reading several articles on the dangers of aspartame. It's shocked me, from now on it's water. I didn't sleep at all last night, just tossed and turned constantly so I went downstairs at about 4am.
  Since I was awake early, I decided I would walk to Eston so I could get the bus with Becca, all went well until I had English class today which just put me in a bad mood. I'm talking to Krissy right now who added me on Friday night. He's cool I reckon, I want to talk to him more and maybe meet up with him in York. I definitely need to drink little or none at all this weekend, I'd rather spend my money on a day trip to York which I'm sure my body will appreciate much more than another piss up. I don't have long so I should start getting ready!

  I'm really tied so this is going to be a quick blog. Basically, today I woke up and followed the same morning routine;  a routine which involves my mum shouting at the top of her voice to wake me up. I'll sleep through anything - either way, the delayed awakening resulted in the usual mad rush to get ready. This is a problem I need to tackle head on because it'll reduce my nicotine cravings/stress attacks on a morning. So yeah, I woke up and then went to the cinema to see 'Sunshine' with my film class. The film was OK, not one that I could sit and watch again. It was alright since it was free. It wasn't personally my taste but it got me out of Guisborough and out of Law class temporarily. I've escaped giving in my law assignment and I've a valid excuse. She'll get it on Friday, I just hope she doesn't bump in to me in college. My aim for college was to be more organised but things aren't looking too good, but at least they're better. Once this hurdle is out of the way, I have to revise for my Maths resit and do the coursework for film studies. I'll take everything one step at a time.
  Beth, a friend from Nunthorpe who is in my film class has starting seeing this boy so I'm quite glad for her. On the other hand I'm not glad for me because I'm not seeing anybody. This brings me to my point and my most recent personal issue. It's not exactly recent, it has just become more serious. I can't stop thinking about my weight and feel guilty every time I eat, sometimes I throw food up because of the guilt - that doesn't make me bulimic though does it? It's not like I do it all the time, but it could. I'm just going swimming for now and joining the gym and seeing how things go, but sometimes I just get fed up with it like lots of people. Other than that, I'm absolutely shattered so I'm going to bed.